Break Down
by denpa wave chick saki
Summary: Elphaba is forced to reflect on her relationship with her father when she learns that he is dying. Can she confront her demons, or will she finally give in to the guilt of her past? Songfic


**Another songfic! For this one, I used **_**Breakdown**_** by Daughtry. Enjoy!**

_Open up the book you beat me with again_

_Read it off one sentence at a time_

Elphaba fell to the floor as her father struck her. The seven-year-old tried to hold back her tears. The water hurt her face, and that would only make her father angrier. He had his book now, his awful black book. She knew he would start reading off some passage that spoke of eliminating the wicked, and allowing them to burn in hell. She was the wicked.

_I'm tired of all the lines_

_Convictions and your lies_

_What right do you have to point at me?_

She waited until he had finished reading, always keeping her gaze down. He reminded her again that it was her fault her mother was dead, and that Nessa was unable to walk. All Elphaba could do was mumble a tearful apology before her father finally left her alone to give in to her tears.

_Well, I'm sittin' alone _

_Thinkin' about it all over coffee_

_Still crowdin' the space are the things _

_You still hold against me_

"Elphaba!"

The green woman looked up from her book, and saw Nessa wheeling towards her.

"What is it?" Elphaba asked, setting her book down. She could see the anxiety in her sister's face, and it worried her.

"It's father! He's… dying!"

_You cannot save me_

Elphaba didn't respond, and looked down at the table. Her slim fingers ran across the wood. How was she supposed to respond? Her father had always held her mother's death and Nessa's cripple against her.

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

_Well, it's not the time to break up this love_

_Keep it together now_

_It's not the time to break_

"Elphaba, did you hear me?"

"Yes, Nessa, I heard you." The green woman looked up. "What do you want from me?"

"Well, we have to go see him! We can't let him die alone!"

Elphaba snorted. "He'll want to see you, not me. He's never forgiven me, and he won't forgive me now either. There is no point in me going to see him."

_Read it all, no need for separating it_

_Say what you want and try to justify_

"Elphaba?"

The green child looked up, trying to wipe her tears away as she heard the small voice.

"N-Nessa."

The brunette wheeled closer. "Why are you on the floor?"

"I-I fell." Elphaba couldn't bring herself to tell her sister what their father said and did to her. Nessa loved their father, and Elphaba knew she should too, but she couldn't bring herself to feel affection for the man that called her "wicked".

_All your little lines_

_Convictions and your lies_

_What right do you have to point at me?_

"Come on." Nessa led Elphaba to her room. Elphaba looked at the large plush bed, trying to hide her longing. "Can you help me up?"

Elphaba gently lifted her sister out of her wheelchair and onto the bed. The brunette patted the bed next to her. Elphaba climbed up as well, and looked down at her hands. Small pale hands intertwined fingers with her green ones, and Elphaba found herself starting to cry again. She was being shown affection by the very person who was crippled by her. Elphaba wept for a second time that day.

_Well, I'm sittin' alone _

_Thinkin' about it all over coffee_

_Still crowdin' the space are the things _

_You still hold against me_

Elphaba watched the scenery fly by as she sat on the train. Despite her protests, she had allowed Nessa to drag her onto a train to Munchkinland. She doubted her father would want to see her; all the memories she had of him were unpleasant ones. She turned her head and looked at her sister. Nessa was looking out the window as well, and the sunlight filtering through the window made her look so serene.

"Nessa… he's not going to forgive me," Elphaba said.

The brunette didn't move. "Maybe you have to forgive him first."

_You cannot save me_

Elphaba wheeled her sister into the room quietly. The shades had been drawn, and the light was dim. Elphaba released her sister's chair, and went back to lean against the wall. She had rarely been in this room when she was a child, and it felt so foreign to her now. She could hear Nessa speaking to their father quietly, and she looked down at her boots.

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

_Well, it's not the time to break up this love_

_Keep it together now_

_It's not the time to break_

Elphaba felt eyes on her and she raised her eyes slowly, ready to confront her demons.

_Open up the book you beat me with again_

_Read it off one sentence at a time_

Her gaze locked with her father's, and Elphaba straightened up. She would no longer be the scared child of her past.

"Elphaba…"

"Father." Elphaba took a deep breath. It was now or never. "It's not my fault mother died, and it's not my fault Nessa's in a wheelchair. I am not wicked, and I will not burn in hell."

She didn't wait for a reply, but turned and left the room.

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

Her vision was becoming blurry.

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

She put a hand against the wall for support.

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

She had finally done it.

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

_Well, it's not the time to break down_

_Well, it's not the time to break up this love_

_Keep it together now_

_It's not the time to break_

Elphaba straightened up, a new feeling welling up inside of her. She saw herself as a child, cowering in the corner and crying.

"Never again," she muttered. She would never feel that weak or helpless ever again.

_Break down_

**Any and all feedback is appreciated! ^^**

**denpa wave chick saki**


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